


as time passes || c.bg x k.th

by heartu_rose



Category: TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hospitals, M/M, Mentions of Blood, Mentions of Cancer, Pining, Sick Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-19
Updated: 2019-04-21
Packaged: 2020-01-16 17:35:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 19
Words: 7,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18526333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartu_rose/pseuds/heartu_rose
Summary: "i wish i could tell you how i feel before time runs out."in which a sick boy writes letters to his crush[a txt fanfic]





	1. 일 - 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [bloom](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18180212) by [stilljunhui (acyria)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/acyria/pseuds/stilljunhui). 
  * Inspired by [Letters to Yuri || yulyen](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/474829) by kkurasai. 



> This is my first k-pop story and at first, I was scared to actually write this. Now, it's here, and I hope you all enjoy it!
> 
> This story is based on a few Wattpad stories which are mentioned in the Wattpad version of this book @ hollyhockhana. Please support me there as well!~ :)
> 
> I'd like to apologize in advance if anything that has been mentioned hasn't been written to the standard that it deserves. I'm not very good at writing ; - ;

Falling in love was the last thing he wanted to think about.

\+ × +

He's calm, they say. He's normal, they say. He's mature, they say.

And that's pretty much true.

But never would they know the feelings Kang Taehyun held inside of him. Sure, he acted calm and collected, but was that the truth?

Kang Taehyun was always seen as the mature member of the group despite his age within his members. Always seemed older than the eldest, Yeonjun, people would say. And they weren't wrong.

But he would never let his members, his fans, or his close friends know his true feelings. That would ruin everything he built to preserve. Every relationship he formed may crumble to pieces.

All because of a boy named Choi Beomgyu.

No one could know he had feelings for his hyung. No one could know. Not even his bandmates, family, or even Bang PD-nim.

So, with his best interests in mind, he hid his blooming feelings for the older boy. He hid the flourishing flower and tried his best to stop it from blooming to the point where he couldn't control it.

But it's so hard.

It's was early in the afternoon. Taehyun and his bandmates were practising for their upcoming comeback. It wasn't easy; it never is.

I mean, since when was life ever easy?

By the time break rolled around, every member was dripping with sweat. Shirts began to soak and stick to skin and the bangs of everyone's hair was beginning to stiffen, making it hard to tuck it back when needed. Needless to say, they were exhausted to the bone.

Taehyun was continuing to practice when his hyung, Soobin, called him to take a break. He knew the members wouldn't let him continue unless he had a drink or two with some time to sit down, so he did as he was told.

The members sat in a circle, chatting away. Taehyun noticed how empty the conversation seemed without a certain member in their circle.

"Hyung, where's Beomgyu-hyung?" Taehyun asked Yeonjun, though the question was directed at Soobin as well.

Yeonjun shrugged, but Soobin raised his hand. "Beomgyu said he wasn't feeling good and left just now. The choreographer just said he's been going through some cold or something."

It seemed feasible, honestly. Beomgyu had been looking pale over the days. Always drinking water, sleeping in more, and had a lowered stamina, which was strange to see since Beomgyu loved to dance with his entire being.

Taehyun didn't think weirdly of the excuse and they continued practising with one less member in the mirror.

It almost didn't sit right in the back of Taehyun's mind.

\+ × +

The practice was finally finished and the choreographer dismissed the sweat-soaked members. They all piled into the van and headed back to the dorm. Taehyun sat at the back, earphones in and drained of energy. It didn't help that his fellow '02 liner, Huening Kai, was constantly bugging him, making every hope of getting even a few minutes nap impossible.

Eventually, they arrived and all the members filed out, Taehyun getting out last. The dorm was quiet, almost half-expecting it to be blasting with video-game music or drama dialogue from their early hyung, but it was empty.

Taehyun dropped his bag into his room and headed to the living room. Yeonjun and Kai were inside, burning off every last ounce of energy they possessed before dropping onto the couch like rocks.

Soobin came in and put a finger to his mouth, signalling silence. "Beomgyu's sleeping. Must have been really tired," Soobin said sympathetically.

Taehyun went back to his room to go over homework when he noticed an envelope on his desk. He almost didn't notice its clean, white paper in the midst of it all.

On top, it read: 강태현

The handwriting was neat and clean as if it had been freshly written. He knew who had that kind of handwriting. Taehyun opened the letter.

_To Taehyunnie,_

_It's Beomgyu-hyung, even though you probably already noticed. Sorry to leave without telling you. I only had the energy to tell the choreographer and Soobin-hyung without interrupting everyone, especially you._

_You'll get there eventually. Don't continuously practice, by the way. You'll tend to forget more the more times you repeat it. Have a break every now and then. If it helps, go over the choreo in your head._

_Hope your day's been great! Hope you've been eating well, sleeping well, and doing good in school. Make sure to stay healthy, too. You don't want to end up like hyung over here!_

_I've been sick for the past couple of days but no need to worry. Nothing a good night's sleep can fix. So don't worry about me._

_Let's stay together tomorrow as well!_

_-Beomgyu-hyungie_

Taehyun smiled as he read the letter. He was relieved to find his hyung was only down with a cold.

But was that the case?


	2. 이 - 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He didn't expect another envelope to sit on top of all his homework for the second day in a row.

"Hyung, are you leaving now?" Taehyun said as he watched Beomgyu grab his bag and head for the door. The latter turned his head to Taehyun and nodded, forcing a smile onto his snow-white face.

Beomgyu nodded. "Tired. Plus, I need to get some medicine to help my cold."

"Okay, hyung. Take care and sleep well."

The older boy chuckled and waved. "You too," he said before disappearing through the door.

\+ × + c.bg + × +

Beomgyu walked out of the practice room, letting out a huge sigh of relief. He knew he couldn't keep lying. He knew he couldn't keep hiding it forever. He knew he had to tell them at some point.

But what time was the right time?

A jet-black car stood waiting by the path as Beomgyu exited the BigHit building. He smiled at the driver as he got inside.

"Good afternoon, how are you?" Beomgyu said, plastering a bright smile on his face.

The driver just smiled. "Just fine. You ready, son?"

Beomgyu nodded and they drove away. They neared towards a tall, flashy apartment complex where Beomgyu made a stop and went inside. He dropped off his next letter and went back inside the car, driving away.

\+ × + k.th + × +

The group, minus Beomgyu, made it back to the dorms. Another long day at practice ended and the group could finally sit down and rest.

Again, they came to an empty and quiet dorm. There had been a hint of Beomgyu's presence before leaving off to get his medicine. Nevertheless, Taehyun walked into his room. He didn't expect another envelope to sit on top of all his homework for the second day in a row.

He dropped his bag onto the floor and collapsed onto the chair. His jelly legs were numb after the hours of continuously dancing. After a few minutes of sitting, he took the envelope and opened it, taking the letter inside.

_Dear Taehyun,_

_Another day of letters, am I right? Just thought since I'm too busy to explain things I'd write it down. Don't question it; the other members are getting this, too._

_Hope you rest well for tomorrow's practice, too. I'll be sure to drink plenty and eat well, and of course, get enough sleep for tomorrow. Hyung will make sure he'll make a speedy recovery before our comeback._

_I hope you aren't annoyed by these letters. These will just be my way of communicating to you while I'm off trying to recover and such._

_Hope your day has been wonderful ^o^  
Let's stay together tomorrow as well!_

_-Beomgyu_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Opinions will be greatly appreciated ^0^


	3. 삼 and 사 - Letters 3 and 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hope your day is going amazing! :D  
> Let's stay together tomorrow as well!
> 
> -Beomgyu

_Dear Taehyun,_

_Everyone's looking better at practice and so are you! Don't be so hard on yourself and keep practising. Take the time to rest, too._

_Thanks for encouraging me throughout the practice when I was obviously tired to continue. I managed to make it right through the end for the first time in three days. Of course, I'll be sure to make sure I'm taking care of myself as well._

_I hope your day is going amazing! :D  
Let's stay together tomorrow as well!_

_-Beomgyu_

\+ × +

_Dear Taehyun,_

_Did you know, I'm reading this book about anti-gravity. I can't seem to put it down!_

_Sorry, that was probably bad. Yeonjun-hyung told me so I thought I should just tell you since you look down lately._

_Wanna talk/write about it?_

_Hope your day will get better!  
Let's stay together tomorrow as well!_

_-Beomgyu_


	4. 오 - 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, really, I was far too sick to come. Looks like I should've just stuck 'til break time but the extra hours was worth it.

_Dear Taehyun,_

_You're probably wondering why I wasn't at practice yesterday. Well, really, I was far too sick to come. Looks like I should've just stuck 'til break time but the extra hours was worth it. I'll be back, tomorrow, don't worry._

_How was your day? I hope it's been well. Sucks to have a bad day then have to go to practice to make it worse, huh? I know I'm not there to lighten the mood so I hope Yeonjun-hyung or Kai (or even both of them) are being the next Jin and Jungkookie-hyung._

_Let's stay together tomorrow as well!_

_-Beomgyu_

\+ × +

Beomgyu folded the paper and slid it inside an envelope, sealing it and dropping it into the black void of his bag. He felt guilty writing the last few words of his note, but what else was there to say? Repeat 'I hope your day's been well'?

He dropped his anchor-heavy head onto the clean, white pillows. He couldn't stand continuing to stare at the dull, white walls of his room. Let alone be blinded by white lights all at once.

Sighing, he switched on the t.v hanging on the wall and stared at the screen. The reminder on his phone rang, prompting him to take his daily dose of water. He stopped counting how many times he'd gone to reach out for his drink bottle, but that didn't matter.

Knock, knock!

Beomgyu finished drinking and put his bottle down, turning off the t.v with one press of a button on his remote. He smiled at the incoming lady dressed in white, holding a clipboard and a pen.

The lady smiled. "Beomgyu-yah, how are you feeling today?"

Beomgyu shrugged. "A six, I guess. Not too bad. Probably just too tired. How about you, miss?"

The lady shrugged as well. "Alright, and I'm glad you are, too."

"But I'm afraid I don't have good news to tell you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get ready for a rollercoaster ride oOf


	5. 육 - 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He could never turn back the clock at this rate. He'd just have to live with it.

Beomgyu frowned. "Noona, if it's from the doctor, you know you shouldn't hesitate to tell me."

The nurse sighed. "I know and I'm sorry. I shouldn't really be the one breaking this to you, Beom-ah."

He was ready to hear it.

"You only have a month left. It's all that we can do now."

While the nurse stood there heartbroken, Beomgyu smiled instead. He gestured the nurse over to his bedside and took her hand.

He pushed a strong smile. "Thank you for everything. A month will be just fine."

"But what about your career? What will your group do without you?"

Beomgyu shrugged. "That's for them to decide."

\+ × +

The brown-haired boy walked into the practice room to find his members stretching it out. He smiled. A certain boy in the corner ran to Beomgyu and gave him a hug, knocking the air right out of his lungs.

"Beomgyu-yah, you sure you're good to practice today? You still look sick," Yeonjun said to the deathly ill boy.

Beomgyu smirked. "I've been sick ever since we started practising, hyung. Me coming back from a day off shouldn't change anything."

"Alright, everyone's here! Let's get started," the choreographer called out. Beomgyu dropped his bag near the door and opened it, taking the letter he had written the night before. He dropped it into Taehyun's open bag before taking his position next to all his members.

It was going to be another long hour of practice.

\+ × +

_Dear Taehyun,_

_Since this coming week is our day off, how about we spend time together? I haven't had the time to hang out with you guys because of my illness. Don't worry, I'll be wearing a mask to make sure you won't get sick any time I cough, n̷̶̷o̷̶̷t̷̶̷ ̷̶̷t̷̶̷h̷̶̷a̷̶̷t̷̶̷ ̷̶̷y̷̶̷o̷̶̷u̷̶̷ ̷̶̷w̷̶̷i̷̶̷l̷̶̷l̷̶̷ ̷̶̷a̷̶̷n̷̶̷y̷̶̷w̷̶̷a̷̶̷y̷̶̷._

_I was thinking, maybe Seoul Forest? Or just the local park? Or Everland? Whatever suits; you can have the final say._

_Rest well and stay healthy!  
Let's stay together tomorrow as well!_

_-Beomgyu_

Taehyun frowned at the crossed out words. He could hardly make out what they meant.

He thought nothing of it.


	6. 칠 - 7

_Sure, I'll be ready when you wake up.  
-Taehyun_

Taehyun folded the note and crept out of his room. It was as early as eight in the morning. They had the whole week to themselves. So, every member (except Taehyun and Beomgyu) took it to themselves to sleep as much as they could.

Taehyun slowly opened Beomgyu's door at an agonizing rate. He didn't want to wake up the sick boy nor his sleeping members. It tested his patience.

To say he's excited is an understatement. Taehyun was thrilled at the offer of time together for the week.

Especially with Beomgyu.

He was greeted by a pitch black room. A cold, dark presence surrounded him. If he hadn't focused his eyes on the bed in the boy's room, he would've thought Beomgyu wasn't here, to begin with.

The rise and fall of the covers were all Taehyun needed to know whether Beomgyu was asleep or awake.

Taehyu smiled and dropped off the note on Beomgyu's table.

However, something else caught his eye.

Taehyun blinked for a moment, trying to read the writing in the dark. His attempt proved futile, of course. He could only make out a few words that were bold and clear.

**CHEMOTHERAPY DISCONTINUATION**

Taehyun frowned. Chemotherapy? For what? Was Beomgyu fighting cancer? And for how long?

A groan came from behind Taehyun as he quickly turned around. Beomgyu rolled over on his bed and lay still again. Taehyun let out a sigh of relief. The boy was still sleeping.

He left the room and closed the door, heading back to his room to get changed for the day.

\+ × +

"Taehyunnie?" Beomgyu called out to him. Taehyun raised his head and glanced at the older boy. He was wearing a red jacket with a dark, navy top underneath, jeans, and a casual pair of canvas sneakers. He wore his mask on top just like he had previously written.

"Morning, hyung. You ready?"

Beomgyu nodded. "Cold today, huh? The other members sleeping?"

Taehyun nodded. He stood up from the couch and stuffed his phone inside his pocket.

The two walked out into the cold morning. Above them, the skies were grey and clouds hung heavily above them. Nipping at their faces, the cold wind sent shivers up Taehyun's spine.

"Where do you wanna go?" Beomgyu asked.

Taehyun shrugged. "Local cafe? You okay with that?"

Beomgyu nodded and they headed off. Beomgyu chatted away with waterfalls of words. He was the sun in the middle of the dark weather. He could bring smiles to anyone who was sad; he could bring smiles to Taehyun himself.

When they arrived in the cafe, the cold blanket around them was replaced with a warm, sunlight-like jacket. It felt like summer.

They walked up to the counter. "I'll have one hot chocolate. What about you, Tae?"

"One caramel frap."

They both paid and sat down at a table. Raindrops began falling down the windows as they chatted away. Taehyun was a quiet person when Beomgyu was around. Beomgyu always had something to talk about, and Taehyun was happy to listen.

"One hot chocolate and one caramel frappucino!" The cashier called out. Beomgyu was about to get to his feet when Taehyun took his wrist and sat him back down, getting the drinks and coming back to a pouting Beomgyu.

"I was gonna get those, you know."

"Hyung, you're sick, let me take it upon myself to take care of you."

Beomgyu whimpered but took his drink anyway and continued to chat away like there was no tomorrow.

Or was there really?


	7. 팔 - 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time's slowly ticking away, and he wishes it didn't have to.

Today was the opposite of the day before. Bright, warm rays of sunshine pierced through the clouds and hit Taehyun's skin. Beomgyu, on the other hand, wore a jacket though thin. It was the perfect day to go to an amusement park.

Taehyun scrolled through his phone. "Everland or Lotte World? Or a different one?"

Beomgyu shrugged. "Any's fine. Which is better?"

"Both, but I think Everland, so how 'bout it?"

Beomgyu nodded. "Sure."

Above them, in the cloudless oasis soared seven blue-and-white magpies. Beomgyu watched as they flew overhead, oblivious to the chaos below where humans roamed.

_If only things could be that way_ , Beomgyu thought with a smirk on his face. At least magpies could bring a sense of freedom to him.

Taehyun stuffed his phone in his pocket, frowning at the older boy as he did so. "Aren't you hot in that hoodie?"

Beomgyu shook his head. "It's a lot cooler than you think." _Underneath these sleeves, I look more horrible than you think._

Taehyun shrugged. "Anyway, let's go!"

\+ × +

The ride finally came to a stop. Everyone filed out as Taehyun laughed.

"Yah, that was scary, Taehyun-ah!"Beomgyu scolded.

Yet, Taehyun continued to laugh at the older boy. Beomgyu couldn't help but smile despite the disrespect coming his way.

"Sorry, hyung, it's just-" Taehyun broke out laughing again. Beomgyu rolled his eyes and took the boy to a bench where he could calm down and breathe.

People perceive him as normal, but Taehyun has a goofy side, too.

"Aish," Beomgyu sighed. "You hungry? It's lunchtime now."

Taehyun hiccuped a few times before nodding. Beomgyu stood up and left the boy on the bench, ordering him to stay there while he went to get food, specifically churros.

When Beomgyu found the churro stand, he pulled out his wallet and paid, stopping by the drinks stand as well.

He thanked the workers and walked away, towards the direction where he had last left Taehyun. His feet were starting to give out beneath him, aching tortuously. Not only that, his head ached slightly, like a sharp, stinging wound. It didn't help that he also felt sort of light-headed.

But, Beomgyu's human, too.

His knees buckled beneath him, falling inevitably to the ground.

He didn't think a pair of arms would catch him as soon as he fell.


	8. 구 - 9

_"Guys, he's waking up!"_

_"Shh, you're going to startle him when he does!"_

Beomgyu lifted his stone-heavy eyelids and winced as a sea of blinding light flooded his sight. It hurt.

All around him, his members stood. Fear was evident on their faces; eyebrows knitted together and a few pouts from Yeonjun and Kai.

He couldn't help but notice the shiny streaks shaped like rivers on Taehyun's face.

Beomgyu frowned. "What's wrong?"

Soobin pointed to his own arm, prompting Beomgyu to take a look at his own arm. He couldn't believe it.

"Hyung, where are you getting the bruises?" Kai asked the older boy.

_From my freaking cancer_. "I've been trying to improve my stamina while sick so I've been going to the gym. Didn't realize how intense I was doing it."

It seemed feasible, but also absurd. Why would Beomgyu even think of going to the gym with such a condition?

But luckily, everyone seemed to believe it.

Except for Taehyun.


	9. 십 - 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "If tomorrow never comes, who would you spend your last moments with?" Beomgyu asked.
> 
> Taehyun shrugged, making Beomgyu's head jerk up to the sudden move. "Why do you ask, hyung? Don't tell me you're gonna leave us tomorrow?"
> 
> "No, I just, I wanna know. Because I don't know who'd I'd spend mine with. With my family or with my bandmates. They seem equally important, you know?"

_Let's stay inside, today.  
Movie? Kai and the hyungs are up for it. :)  
-Taehyun_

Beomgyu smiled at the note and stuck it in a notebook, closing it firmly. After what happened yesterday, he really wasn't allowed out of the dorm. It didn't bother him, though. A day in is probably what he needs the most.

Beomgyu slipped on his favourite hoodie and sweatpants and headed outside. As expected, he found his hyungs and dongsaengs scurrying like ants between the living room and the kitchen. It was Kai who noticed him first.

Kai waved to Beomgyu. "You're finally up, hyung! We're watching Inception as per Taehyun's request."

Beomgyu chuckled and nodded. Taehyun had always loved Inception. He himself had never had the chance to give it a watch, but today, he'd finally be able to do so.

Soobin came out from the kitchen and greeted Beomgyu before heading to the windows and pulled the curtains in. The room became dark and you could see almost nothing depending on how bad your sight was.

Everyone sat on the couch, the Yeonbin couple on one side, Kai in the middle with Taehyun next to him, and Beomgyu on the opposite end of Yeonbin. As soon as the movie began, everyone fell silent.

\+ × +

After watching Inception and picking another movie, the hyungs and Kai fell asleep, leaving only Taehyun and Beomgyu awake. Beomgyu didn't hesitate to get up and switch the movie, turning to the television shows instead, picking the music show.

Classic, k-pop hits began to fill the room. Somehow, the hyungs and Kai didn't wake up but that was the least of Beomgyu's worries.

Beomgyu lay his head on Taehyun's shoulder, taking the time to have some peace and comfort to himself. Taehyun took the elder's hand and squeezed it tight.

It was just them in a dark room with music surrounding the atmosphere.

After a few moments of silence, Beomgyu spoke up.

"If tomorrow never comes, who would you spend your last moments with?" Beomgyu asked.

Taehyun shrugged, making Beomgyu's head jerk up to the sudden move. "Why do you ask, hyung? Don't tell me you're gonna leave us tomorrow?"

 _Not tomorrow, but maybe in a fortnight_. "No, I just, I wanna know. Because I don't know who'd I'd spend mine with. With my family or with my bandmates. They seem equally important, you know?"

Taehyun nodded. "Well, it ultimately comes down to who you hold closest to your heart, I guess. If you spend your last moments with someone who wasn't worth your time, then it'd be a waste right?"

Beomgyu pondered on the answer for a moment before nodding. "Yeah,"

"Yeah, you're right."


	10. 십일 - 11

_Dear Beomgyu-hyung,_

_It was a good week spent with you. I certainly learnt a lot about you and myself as well.  
It's back to practices now, I guess. But you still seem really sick. I'm sure the choreographer will let you go as normal._

_You asked me if I wanted to maybe spend three days with you before the end of the month? Sure, I'll take it. I'm not busy after all._

_I hope you're doing as you've said and that you're working on recovering well. I didn't expect you to faint at Everland a few days ago._

_Let's stay together tomorrow as well!_

_Regards,  
Kang Taehyun_


	11. 십이 - 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He only had three days left at this point.

Taehyun put on his white puffer jacket over his sweater. It was three days before the end of February and Beomgyu had asked if he had wanted to spend the last three days of summer with him. Assuming he had already told their choreographer and Bang PD-nim about it, it was completely fine.

He was surprised to find the living room lights already on and a shadow between the light. Taehyun turned off his bedroom lights and closed his door lightly.

"Beomgyu-hyung, you're up early," Taehyun called out.

Beomgyu nodded. "Thought I should. So how about it?"

Beomgyu was wearing his own white puffer jacket, making Taehyun blush out of the unlikely coincidence. Beomgyu noticed the younger's shy demeanour and chuckled.

"Coincidence? I think not," he said with a grin.

"Well, come on. There's a place I want to take you."

The latter took Taehyun by the hand and dragged him out of the dorm building.

\+ × +

The duo arrived at a small cafe that Taehyun remembered. His memory was blurred, but he knew he had been to the same cafe Beomgyu was taking him before.

The older boy led Taehyun to the counter. "Same as last time?"

Taehyun nodded. Beomgyu turned to the cashier and smiled. "Two butter bread and two Seoul icecream cups."

Beomgyu paid and was handed a buzzer as the two gave their thanks. Taehyun led Beomgyu to the same window seat he had sat the first time he had come to the cafe. This time, he was here with his hyung. And his favourite hyung at that.

Beomgyu chatted away as Taehyun watched him. His chestnut-brown hair, his fair skin, and his rosy lips caught his eye the instant he saw them. Beomgyu radiated this sort of energy that made Taehyun just smile as if tomorrow depended on it.

Out of the blue, Beomgyu asked

"Do you happen to like someone, Taehyunnie?"

_You, you dense idiot._

Taehyun shrugged. "A bit? But they don't seem to notice me so why try?" _I'm trying so hard to hold it back, you don't even know._

Beomgyu chuckled. "With that handsome face of yours? I'm sure they will, just wait," Beomgyu said, taking Taehyun's hand and squeezing it tight.

Taehyun's breath caught in his throat, his body is frozen on his spot. It only took him a split second to realize that Beomgyu would probably be observant and question his unusual behaviour.

So, Taehyun took in a deep breath and nodded. "Thanks, hyung," he said with a forced smile.

Beomgyu waved his hand, signalling a 'no'. "Don't call me hyung, makes me feel old," he chuckled.

"But why?"

Beomgyu shrugged. "Never really liked formalities. Plus, I like you."

Taehyun's heart skipped a beat.


	12. 십삼 - 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He only had two days left at this point.

"Where are we going today, Gyu?"

Taehyun asked as he watched Beomgyu put on his fluffy, white jacket. White seemed to be his go-to colour this week, but it didn't bother Taehyun.

Especially since he looked like an angel in white.

"Wanna head up to Namsan Tower? I was thinking we could have lunch at Sky Rose Cafe then go ahead to see the lights on the bridge at the Han River."

Taehyun nodded. "Sounds like a plan. So, Namsan Tower first?"

Beomgyu nodded back.

\+ × +

After a long, silent ride up the cable car to the top of the tower, Beomgyu rushed out. Taehyun giggled as the older boy jumped about in the sea of fresh air.

"Hyu-... Beom-ah, Kai and I left a lock here for the group. Wanna come see it?"

Beomgyu nodded and he jumped up and down. It wasn't knee-high jumps, but rather small bobs up and down. Still, Taehyun couldn't help but smile at the older's energy despite his sickness.

Taehyun led his hyung to the bench where he last remembered locking the group's friendship with Kai. And indeed, it still sat there, locked tight with many other locks surrounding it.

"You two picked a pink lock? The shade looks pretty," Beomgyu praised.

Taehyun felt his cheeks go hot at the praise but tried to push the thought away. So, he just nodded.

"Yeah."

"Hungry?" Beomgyu asked.

"Sort-of. Let's go."

\+ × +

Finally, after ordering food at Sky Rose Cafe, the duo watched the sunset fall from the rooftop cafe. The roses complemented the scenery around them. Red, yellow, orange, pink, and white roses lined the edges of the cafe, protruding from the vibrant green bushes.

Taehyun wished he could just tell Beomgyu just like how the roses could bloom so beautifully, but what if Beomgyu didn't feel the same?

He just couldn't risk the heartbreak.

Soon, the blue oasis above them turned from orange to purple, to blue, then to black. White dots began to scatter sparsely above them.

After a bit of walking and talking, the duo made it to the bridge just in time as vibrant blue, purple and, pink lights illuminated the bridge's outline.

And so, the duo stood underneath the moonlight, listening to the rushing of water, watching the lights, and holding each other in the arms.

Taehyun wished this wouldn't be their last.


	13. 십사 - 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He only had one day left at this point.

Taehyun woke up late the next morning, the nagging feeling of something wrong sitting in his stomach. It didn't feel right.

It was scary.

Sluggishly, Taehyun scrambled out of bed, ruffling his hair and shaking his head to wake him up. He headed over to his desk where a letter and a sticky note sat on top of his books.

Taehyun squinted as he read the words in the dark.

_Meet me by the One Million Rose Garden._  
_I'll be there when you wake up ;)_  
_-Beomgyu_

Taehyun read the letters on the envelope underneath.

**강태현  
Don't open until you've met me by the One Million Rose Garden**

The latter frowned. He wanted to read it now, but Beomgyu had specifically written that he open it after he meets him at the garden.

And Taehyun being the mature person he was, got ready and walked out of the dorm, praying everything was okay with Beomgyu.


	14. 십사 - 일 | 14 - 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "And now that I'm in love with you, I'm afraid of losing you to someone who'll love you more than I ever did."

Amongst the field of white roses, a tall figure stood. His chestnut hair shone against the sunlight. Taehyun raced towards the boy, thoughts running through his head like ants.

Taehyun's footsteps were enough for Beomgyu to react. With each incoming step, Beomgyu's head turned to the running boy, smiling and waving as he came closer.

Taehyun let in heavy breaths, his throat burning with fire after such a run. Once he could breathe easily, he smiled at the older boy.

"Morning Beom. Why did you want to meet me here?" Taehyun asked.

Beomgyu's mouth hung open as if to say something, then closed again. This left Taehyun confused.

"Is there something wrong, hyung?"

Beomgyu nodded.

"I know you won't take this lightly, so please, take in everything I say before I have to go,"

"I like you, no, I love you. And I'm sorry I never told you sooner."

"When I first saw you in the training room with your flawless visuals, I never thought we would debut in the same group together."

"When we became bandmates, I couldn't help but stare at your eyes every time they were on the screen when we reacted to our performances."

"When I started becoming close with you, I was afraid of liking you."

"And now that I'm in love with you, I'm afraid of losing you to someone who'll love you more than I ever did."

"But that's okay because I know you'll fall in love with someone who never stops choosing you."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Hyung,

"Are you leaving me?"


	15. 십사 - 이 | 14 - 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taehyun didn't think that it wasn't only him hurting.

_"Hyung,_

_"Are you leaving me?"_

Beomgyu just smiled at Taehyun, making Taehyun worried beyond words.

"Hyung, you're leaving me, the team, and for what?! What would we do without our lead dancer? How else is the group supposed to go on without you?! Did you ever maybe think about how we felt if-"

"I'm sorry, but it's not something I can control," Beomgyu cut off the boy, still not answering his question.

"Is this about your parents then?! Are you going off to Japan, America? Why didn't you tell any of us about-"

Taehyun couldn't help but let all his thoughts tumble out like a rushing waterfall. Everything seemed to hit him like a truck, mercilessly running through him and making him tolerate the pain from the crash.

Taehyun didn't think that it wasn't only him hurting.

Beomgyu lifted his hand to his chest, scrunching the fabric tight in anguish as Taehyun continued lecturing him. His knees buckled underneath him, plummeting to the ground in front of Taehyun.

Taehyun watched as the latter collapsed to the ground, eyes fluttering shut on the way down. Instinctively, Taehyun got to his knees and picked up the frail boy by the neck. He was still breathing, luckily, but extremely weak.

Beomgyu coughed, cupping his hand over his mouth. Reluctantly, he removed his hand from his face, revealing a splotch of blood red liquid splattered over his snow-white skin.

Taehyun looked at the blood in disbelief. "Hyung, you're-"

Beomgyu smiled and nodded.

"I love you."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**"Hello 119, what's your emergency?"**

**"My friend's fainted and he's coughing up blood!"**

**"Where are you now, sir?"**

**"One Million Rose Garden, please be quick."**


	16. 십오 - 15

_"Hurry! We're losing him!"_

_"Start the defibrillator!"_

_"He's not going to make it!"_

...

_"I'm sorry, sir. We could not save the patient."_

\+ × +

Taehyun stared at the letter in his hand. He had been staring at it since he had been picked up from the hospital by Yeonjun. He hadn't eaten that evening nor did he talk with any of the other members.

He was just far too hurt to do anything. He could keep pinching himself only for the pain to travel through his skin, reminding him that Beomgyu was gone.

He just couldn't believe it.

_I never got the chance to say 'I love you' back, and that will be my biggest regret of all._

He knew he couldn't keep staring at the words that were written on the envelope. He had to open it soon. It would be the answer to everything Beomgyu had been hiding about.

Right?

"Screw it," Taehyun blurted out for the first time since morning.

He ripped open the envelope, finding the letter he had been meaning to read for eternity. With shaking hands, he slipped the paper out of its case. He began reading,

_Dear Kang Taehyun,_


	17. 십육 - 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And when night comes where you miss me, look at the stars. I'll always be watching from above.

_By the time you read this, I'm probably gone, and I'm really sorry.  
I know that saying sorry won't undo everything I've done, but what else can I do? Come back to life?_

_Life just doesn't work that way, Taehyun. But I wish it did._

_Will you miss me? Will our band miss me? Will the fans miss me?  
Probably, but I was dying, and I couldn't help it._

_And here's for the truth you've wanted to know for some time._

_I had leukemia, and I was slowly nearing my end. They say leukemia patients have between fifteen to twenty years life expectancy, and let's just say, I reached my twenty years._

_If you do the math right, I've had it since I was three._

_The bruises you found on my arms when I fainted? Leukemia. Me fainting? Leukemia. Me leaving in the middle of practice? Leukemia. And when I did, I went to see the doctor for chemotherapy sessions._

_At one point, we had to stop because they no longer worked. And here we are now._

_̷I̷ ̷l̷i̷k̷e̷ ̷y̷o̷u̷ I love you, and I'm sorry we couldn't say much more. But I didn't know if you had feelings for me, or if you even liked boys, so I kept to myself. When I asked you if you liked anybody, I wished it was me that you did, but it probably wasn't, right?_

_But that's okay, at least that someone will take care of you better than I ever will._

_And now that you know the truth, the full story, let me say this one last time:_

_When a day comes where you miss me, remember that I'll always be in your heart and in spirit, holding your hand while travelling through the rough storm._

_And when night comes where you miss me, look at the stars. I'll always be watching from above._

_Let's stay together tomorrow as well, in spirit and in mind._

_With lots of love,  
Choi Beomgyu_

_p.s Please move on from me. I don't want you to fall behind just because I'm gone. Because even if you forget me, I'll always be with you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't kill me there's gonna be a happy ending don't worry just wait


	18. E P I L O G U E

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Falling in love was the last thing he wanted to think about.

He's calm, they say. He's normal, they say. He's mature, they say.

And that's pretty much true.

But after everything he's been through, he'd never be able to smile as easily as he had before.

The dreaded day finally came and Taehyun woke up as sluggishly as he had in years past. He didn't like the feeling that crept up his throat every time it would. And unlike then, he wouldn't let it slide.

His flower had slowly started to wilt over the days that passed from the event, but he couldn't help but nurture it every now and then. When the petals would begin to fall, he did best to sustain the rest of them.

He didn't want to forget him easily.

Taehyun put on a plain shirt with a black hoodie and a pair of jeans. It was his free day and he wasn't planning on going anywhere for long.

A knock came on his door, making him flinch. He cleared his throat before saying

"Who is it?"

"Yeonjun and Soobin, is that okay?"

Taehyun gave himself a moment to think. Did he want to talk to both of his hyungs or just one?

"Just one of you, please."

The door clicked and swung open, revealing the tall leader of the group. He smiled as he came in; Taehyun smiled back.

"You up to see him?"

Taehyun nodded. "This may not be my last, but you know,"

Soobin nodded back. "Well come on, you know he doesn't like to wait."

\+ × +

All the members filed out of the van, Taehyun's hands occupied with two bouquets of flowers. One bouquet of poppies and another of carnations and roses.

They arrived at the stone and Taehyun set down the flowers.

"Our comeback's coming soon. It's a shame you won't be here for it again," Kai said solemnly.

"We really miss you, Gyu. We miss your high tension, your laugh, everything..."

"There's so much to say, but you probably already know. I hope you've been watching over us,"

"And remember, we still love you."

As everyone said their thoughts, Taehyun was left as the last one as usual.

Soobin patted the boy's shoulder. "We'll leave you alone, 'kay?"

Taehyun nodded. "Thank you,"

Soobin nodded back and led the members back to the van, leaving Taehyun and the stone. Taehyun inhaled a deep breath.

"Our comeback's coming soon, our fifth one without you? We've still been going strong, because we know you would, too.

"Everyone's slowly moving on, but I'm probably the last one still thinking about you. You know, I always tend to keep myself busy, but every time I pause, your smile just appears in my mind.

"I still think of you every day, but the pain is getting less painful. Is it a good thing? That I'm slowly being accustomed to spending days without you?

"I don't know if you know, but you taught me something. That even though I lost you, life kept spinning. That even though your tomorrow wasn't guaranteed, you still kept living life to the fullest."

"Please understand," a voice in his head began to whisper. "that I was in pain. I never meant to ruin things.

"I never meant to ruin us."

Taehyun nodded. "And now that you're gone, I have to live with it. Sure, it'll be hard, but you promised you'd always be by my side."

He paused and sighed, his head held low. "My third spring without you; let's watch it bloom together."

Taehyun stared at the tombstone one last time before turning around, the spirit of a once-living boy watching him walk back to reality.

Falling in love was the last thing he wanted to think about.

But he regrets letting him go.


	19. A L T . E N D I N G

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Falling in love was the last thing he wanted to think about.

_"Patient's flatlined! Prepare the defibrillator!"_

_"Set it to 350 volts!"_

_"And clear!"_

_"Again!"_

_"Again!"_

_..._

_"Sir, we've successfully resuscitated the patient."_

\+ × +

Hours passed by and Taehyun was getting tired of waiting.

How much longer did he have to wait?

A shuffle of footsteps echoed through the hallway as he turned his head to watch the incoming people. Slowly, he pushed himself up from his seat and stood up to greet his members.

"Taehyun! Is Beomgyu alright? We just got the call and-"

"He flatlined, but he's okay now. They won't let me in yet," Taehyun summarised.

All the members sighed in relief. "That's good," Kai mumbled.

"Excuse me, are you all relatives of Choi Beomgyu?" A voice called out behind Yeonjun. They turned to face the nurse.

Soobin shook his head. "We're his bandmates. Anything you have to say to his parents can be said to us."

The nurse nodded. "Well, as you know, he's flatlined, but we've successfully resuscitated him. He's lost a bit of oxygen from it, and thus, may forget some things due to brain damage. Overall, he's fine."

Everyone sighed out of relief for the nth time that day. Everything seemed to go as well as they had thought. Of course, not the brain damage part, but everything was okay.

"Is there a chance we could...?" Soobin proposed.

The nurse nodded. "He's been asking to see you for a while, so go ahead."

The nurse left the scene and the group stood at the door of Beomgyu's room. Soobin took the door handle and twisted it open, ushering everyone inside.

As expected, bright lights lit up the room. In the middle of it all, a boy dressed in a plain hospital dress lay. His eyes were set on the incoming boys in the room.

He smiled. "Hey guys, sorry to make you worry."

"Worry? Worry?! Beom-ah, we were SCARED," Yeonjun exclaimed.

Soobin took the elder's hand. "Quiet down, he's just been from the dead, you know."

Yeonjun took a moment to breathe as Taehyun walked up to Beomgyu's bedside. The smile on Beomgyu's face disappeared with each incoming step.

Taehyun stopped beside the bed and bit his lip. "Hyung, there's something you aren't telling us, right?"

Beomgyu nodded, sighing. "I guess it's about time you guys knew."

"I have leukemia, and I'm slowly dying."

Silence.

Everyone's eyes were wide open, a few mouths hanging open. Beomgyu waved at them.

"But don't worry, it seems they've found this medicine for me to take. It's been helping me get better. I'll live, I promise,"

Yeonjun scoffed. "You promise? You can't make promises you know you can't keep, tiger."

Beomgyu chuckled. "I know, but I promise this is one I'm going to keep." Beomgyu held his pinky finger up.

All the members came together around the bed and held out theirs, intertwining it with everyone else's.

"Promise?"

"Promise."

Beomgyu was engulfed in a suffocating hug, knocking the air right out of his lungs. He let out a laugh of joy. No one would lose him.

Taehyun moved in close to Beomgyu's ear and whispered

"I love you, so don't leave me."

Falling in love was the last thing he wanted to think about.

But luckily, Choi Beomgyu's willing to wait.


End file.
